i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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