I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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