The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
