i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I need to stop coming to work sober
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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