I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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