this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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