Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
