I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
