So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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