Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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