I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
