Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
