I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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