I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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