he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
