before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
