my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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