There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
