I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
