I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
