Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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