Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
