She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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