Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
