3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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