you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
