I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
