I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
