Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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