She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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