Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
