Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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