The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
