Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
