Can Purell be used as lube?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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