sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
