Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
