i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
