The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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