oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
