Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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