whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
