Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
