So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
