Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
FUCK WHALES
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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