he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Floor bacon is actually really good
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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