I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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