Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
