and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
