You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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