dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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