I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
