Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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