i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
