I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
