I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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